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2008-10-09 :: 8:19 p.m. I feel exhausted today... but I feel like I never really woke up this morning. I dont' know if it's because I didn't sleep well last night or it's just all kind of crashing down right now. It's hard to believe that one week ago we were up in the hospital in Billings and I was standing beside the PICU crib where Lucy was laying and all-too-near her death. To see her in that state was nearly life-shattering. And so maybe that's why coming back down to reality or our 'normal' life so fast is just taking me for a spin. Don't get me wrong, it's a miracle and I'm so very thankful that she got better so very fast... but it's just hard to process. There's so much to work through... and I didn't work through it while she was sick because I was simply in survival mode -- focusing on the survival of Lucy and also the survival of myself to get us both through this. And I'm back to work. I don't know if I wrote that I got a job... I'm a part-time barista at my local -- and very favorite -- coffee shop. It's good in so many ways... and heck, the timing of it now? Nothing short of perfect. Because we're going to have bills rolling in that I don't even want to think about. Six nights in hospitals, including one night in the PICU. One chest/abdominal x-ray for Lucy. One ultrasound of her abdomen and the organs in there. Two blood transfusions. Many, many labs for checking Lucy's bloodwork. And probably a ton I'm forgetting. We're going to be paying her off for a long time now. But I can't really think of that. Because I'll probably cry. Just when I think we're going to get ahead, or maybe even just break even when it comes to bills... ugh... one step forward and two steps back. Or maybe I'm just exhausted today. Um, more than just maybe. So maybe I shouldn't even write about or think about it all right now. I still have to pick up dh from work. For some reason he just thought we could take him and pick him up even though we dont' do that often and I didn't *need* the van today. It would have been the most ideal night to get the girls to bed early (neither Lucy nor Katherine napped)... but whatever... no use in wishing that now because it didn't happen and won't change things. ... In completely boring news, we're under a winter storm watch through the weekend. It's predicted the mountains around us could se 6-12" of snow and our town should see 3-5" I think. The HIGH tomorrow is only supposed to be 34F. Thirty-four degrees. And it's supposed to just stay cold. The low on Sunday is supposed to be 12F. TWELVE DEGREES!!?! Craziness, I tell you. Yesterday it got into the 70s and now it will just be in the 30s. It's like going from a cooler summer to winter in a flash. I'm not quite ready for that yet. But, ready or not, it's still coming. I don't even know - 2009-02-04 think - 2009-02-03 brr - 2008-10-09 hospital. - 2008-10-06 just a bit - 2008-09-18 |